Being Gay as a Choice

I know I’m pretty much talking to an empty room right now, but I shut down my facebook and feel like putting some thoughts out to the interwebs.

I caught this link on Feministing regarding Cynthia Nixon and gayness:


thought (a) I didn’t know “Miranda” had come out! She was my favorite! Awesome!

thought (b) I find it fascinating that her saying that her gayness is a choice is controversial! Honestly, I believe, given the overpopulation of the world and constant complications from trying not to breed… homosexuality is the wave of the future. As an option, I personally don’t understand why it isn’t held up as the standard, responsible sexual role. But I am also fairly lesbianic and have my own agenda 😉  “Natural inclinations” aside, I would like to point out this debate here between “Born Gay” and “Chose To Be Gay” The first one has become popular and camped out thanks to Lady Gaga and seems to be the base argument when dealing with the religious wing-nuts. The second one is somewhat less popular in the gay rights movement, however I think it leaves WAY more room for “recruiting”… it is more respectful of sexuality as a fluid, multi-directional spectrum that changes with the tides of your life INSTEAD of a label you’re stamped with at birth. Cynthia Nixon’s got some ovaries:

    I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not…

Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.


While I don’t agree with everything this person has to snark about feminism, I think this monologue brings up some beautiful shit that has come to light. Perhaps it is because I live in a mostly sleepy hippie feminist town now, but this post more accurately represents my reality now (in contrast with my years at vassar). I look through my older posts on the ol gender agenda here and see myself using language that poses me as a victim to all sorts of oppression and evil. The fact is, I’ve had a lovely life and while it was good for me to be informed of how society has mistreated other people like me–that’s not me, I have been respected and given most everything I’ve ever wanted.

While the person in this video does not acknowledge the fact that feminism is kiiiind of the reason why people are listening to her, she has some fabulous points to make about how feminism has failed men. Male victimhood is a controversial topic. There are some people in the world who have actually told me that men cannot be oppressed or victimized. But, as we all know, gender is not destiny and merely being born with a dick does not mean you grow up to swing it around. And the more time I spend listening to the men in my life, the more stories I hear of women emotionally abusing men, women using the legal system unfairly against men, women kidnapping, beating, getting drunk and endangering lives, raping… the list has gone on too long for me NOT to notice a discrepancy between what I was taught by professors to believe about men and women in college and what I am now learning from my friends in the real world. I don’t believe many grown, responsible adults (especially the male-identified) want to see themselves as victims–as people who can be completely fucked over. But this is my reality–I’m not reading about this from books written ten years ago by people I don’t know or hearing it from belligerently second-wave feminist professors–my friends and family are constantly opening my eyes to this new world where, it turns out, I do have power.

This video was pretty much the women’s studies-esque vision of my life now.


hey ppl!!!!!!!!!!! it’s may!! may is upon us! and the last post was in feb. woah.

looka this: slutwalk

in other news, i used to be this awesome person. WHAT HAPPENED??!??! i have a super corporate jobbbbbb wowowow. and i feel like i can’t even call myself a feminist because i don’t think about feminism. or anything. i, like, struggle to have thoughts about anything. yesterday went to a used sorta radical-benty bookstore w/ bejai and realized there was not a single topic in which i was interested. yikes…

Are Penes for Penetration?

Wow, It’s been a minute.

I am no longer a student.

I now work (volunteer through a social service fellowship) at a homeless shelter for 18-21 year olds in Philadelphia. I work on what is known as the “Boys’ Floor.” Let’s ignore that this is infantilizing and de-powering because there are no boys or girls (excepting babies) at the shelter–there are young women and young men. My main problem is that the floor on which I work has proven to be not the Boys’ Floor, or the Men’s Floor, but for all intents and practices the Penis Floor.

Continue Reading »

Saw this on Jezebel and thought I should share. I was sort of surprised to hear so much hostility towards it on Jezebel. It’s not the best documentary ever but I feel like it’s something to talk about… what are your thoughts?

Vodpod videos no longer available.


Effed up ads


but as always what’s more effed up are the comments…



thanks again alternet! below, an excerpt from sex pill for women article:

Even though Boynton declined, Boehringer-Ingelheim invited her to write a paper for the British Journal of Sexual Medicine. “They had clear instructions about what they wanted me to say and how this would set the scene that HSDD was a prevalent and distressing problem doctors ought to be aware of — presumably so they could be alerted to a problem and be more willing to prescribe a pill when said medication became available.”

Flash forward to March of this year when Boehringer-Ingelheim rolled out its Sex Brain Body: Make the Connection campaign starring TV personality Lisa Rinna — replete with glitzy disease branding web site in the Restless Legs/Excessive Sleepiness/Social Anxiety Disorder tradition. Nowhere is flibanserin, not approved yet, mentioned.

“If There is No Desire to Get Physically Romantic, You Could Be Suffering from HSDD,” blares a Top News article in June with the indicated boudoir photo, auguring the next “epidemic.”

Of course,  some gynecologists, sex researchers and patients welcome the fact that pharma is no longer ignoring women’s sexuality. Why should men have all the fun, they ask? But others see in HSDD marketing the same forces responsible for the terms “frigid,” “nymphomaniac,” battles for safe and effective birth control and reproductive health care and social tolerance of violent or degrading pornography — namely, men defining women’s sexuality for their own purposes. Nor do Google search images for HSDD, which are pretty “800 number/phone sex” allay fears.

feminist africa


Feminist Africa is a continental gender studies journal produced by the community of feminist scholars. It provides a platform for intellectual and activist research, dialogue and strategy. Feminist Africa attends to the complex and diverse dynamics of creativity and resistance that have emerged in postcolonial Africa, and the manner in which these are shaped by the shifting global geopolitical configurations of power.

It is currently based at the African Gender Institute in Cape Town.

Editorial policy

Feminist Africa is guided by a profound commitment to transforming gender hierarchies in Africa, and seeks to redress injustice and inequality in its content and design, and its open-access and continentally-targeted distribution strategy. Feminist Africa targets gender researchers, students, educators, women’s organisations and feminist activists throughout Africa. It works to develop a feminist intellectual community by promoting and enhancing African women’s intellectual work. To overcome the access and distribution challenges facing conventional academic publications, Feminist Africa deploys a dual dissemination strategy, using the Internet as a key tool for knowledge-sharing and communication, while making hard copies available to those based at African institutions.

–we are women” : an article by amanda kijera.

The United Nations, western women’s organizations and the Haitian government must immediately provide women in Haiti with the funding that they need to build domestic violence and rape crisis centers. Stop dividing Black families by distributing solely to women, which only exaggerates male resentment and frustration in Haiti. Provide both women and men with job training programs that would allow for self-sufficiency as opposed to continued dependency on whites. Lastly, admit that the issue of racial integration might still need addressing on an international level, and then find a way to address it!

so i have a special research interest in haiti, in case y’all didn’t already know. i found this article to be really engaging, stupendously interesting. i feel so confused by this! i feel confused by one of the responses to the above:

How is it possible, after being the victim of a brutal rape, to absolve the perpetrator of guilt and point the finger at men of another color who are nowhere near one’s body? This projection is absolutely stunning and self-defeating.

The man who committed this crime committed it for his reason and his alone. Without holding him to account, what hope of change is there? If a person cannot own his behavior, he cannot change it.

This sort of rationalization would absolve white slave owners, by the way. They were simply victims of cultural thinking at the time. And the patriarchy? A remnant of twisted religious extremism.

No one would be responsible for any action at any time, anywhere. There is, after all, a context for every crime.

At the root of this absolution is a desire to push personal responsibility on the collective. Unfortunately, the collective was not in that room that night. One man raped one woman.

oh dear. what now? what is this now. why am i so confused? can anyone please tell me what is going on, and who should do what, and why? and how this fits into all of it?

Melissa’s words are so incredibly powerful, and I can’t make that point any better than she can. This is not about the “global hierarchy”. Every person has control over their actions. Amanda’s rapist is no different. Her response is astounding to most – how could she possibly blame the status of the black man in the world society for this? How was the man that beat her and abused her not at fault? We’re right to question that.

oh, i miss Bq, i want Bq to tell me how to think about this real bad!