So recently I went to this learn how to network post graduation thing. I won’t say exactly who it was I talked to because I don’t want to jeopardize my career in case someone wants to find this and use it against me. It was a group of older women. The older women at my table (and all the other tables that I could see) were both white. The students at my table, including me, were all South and East Asian.
The younger lady at our table talked about how women have historically been bad at networking. I was like whaa? She clarified by saying that women are better at networking as mothers, not as employees. I was like oh. It kind of made sense. American women didn’t even used to be employees, as in America, it used to be culturally unacceptable until very recently for women to have jobs. So it makes sense that American women, as a group, could potentially be lacking in the kind of assertiveness that is required for successful professional networking. An interesting theory, at least.
The older lady, more authoritative, agreed with her peer. She said something to the effect of, “Yes, that’s true. Especially when you come from a certain country, where if you’re a woman, you don’t just go up to a person and say hello, you don’t just do that.” She went on to look at the student to her left, who had a Vietnamese accent, and nodded understandably at her.
At the end of the meeting, I decided that I really liked both these women who were helping us learn how to network. Overall, they seemed like good people to get to know. But at the time of the above little chat about the inability of women from “certain countries” to network, I felt offended.
Is that reasonable? Does it make sense for me to be annoyed at this white woman for pointing out what she sees to be the truth? And isn’t it kind of the truth, in objective terms? That women from South and East Asian countries aren’t given the latitude to be bold in professional settings? Was this lady being racist, in talking about the passivity of Asian women? Part of me is saying “Yes” and the other is saying “No.”
Furthermore, am I being racist to readily accept that women from South and East Asian countries are forced to assume less-than-assertive roles in their societies’ workplace? I lived in India for 13 years and what I saw completely validates her statement. Should I hold my horses before I extend this observation to large, heterogeneous parts of the rest of the world? Are “Asian” women, whatever that means, actually not passive? Is it anti-feminist to think of them as passive? How is “passive” being constructed in this case?
What is really complicating the picture here? I am so confused. Readers, and I know there are millions of you, feel free to chime in with insights.
Gender Agenda 
Yay for the first post in a long time! thank you orky.
The only thing I feel I’m sure of is that “passive” is the wrong way to put it. People aren’t passive, they’re strong. It’s just that social norms and inhospitable institutions can be a lot stronger, regardless of where you’re from. But it doesn’t seem like these women would disagree with this.
Also, I’m not so sure that it’s historically accurate to say that women have not excelled in networking. Have you read “Women, Race, and Class”? It really only talks about the U.S., but from what Davis says it seems like women have been very successful in networking for social causes. The most insane example she gave was the underground railroad, which I knew about from high school social studies but didn’t really appreciate just how much effort and organization and meticulous planning went into it. Working class women, who were working outside of the home because they had to, had organizations that raised money for the abolitionist movement (I think she said that one of them sponsored Fredrick Douglas’s trips to abolitionist conferences, or maybe just one).
Maybe middle and upper class women has been historically bad at networking and those who were good at networking were the products of exceptional circumstances.
Also, nothing in my experience has ever suggested that american women are somehow behind in networking skills (though maybe women and particularly women of color don’t have as many resources for networking) so this is a new/interesting thing to hear. What evidence suggests that women fall short in networking skills anyway?
she didnt offer much evidence of how american women are behind in networking skills. she just made the blanket generalization that american women are better as mothers, implying that it was a result of their socialization to be better at being moms than professionals.
obviously her generalization was problematic.
but i was more bothered (and it’s ok if you dont share my avid interest in this) by the older lady’s echoes of comments that amounted to “oh yes, especially brown women are bad at networking, because they arent allowed to even talk to men where *they* come from! where they come from, things are barbaric and backwards.” it felt offensive, and the way she said it, like blanket-y and homogenizing-y felt wrong. i wrote the post to figure out if it *is* wrong to group countries like that, under the umbrella of backwards and women-oppressing. but it is true that women are oppressed everywhere, so is it like wrong to generalize like that?
what do you think?
holy shit guys. i had a dream where i was telepathic and could make things burst into flames high up in the air. there was a bar in grand central and i was there with two people i had just met, and we were talking about oppression and the guy said, “you’re being mean. i don’t have to talk to you,” and i said, “yes you do! because the group that you’re a member of has oppressed the group i’m a member of for years and years! i’ll be as mean as i want to be! screw you!”
*telekinetic
woah emili that’s crazy