Hey friends. Procrastinating writing my thesis, so I thought I’d write about something juicy to provoke some dialogue.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my sexuality/sexual orientation/gender identity has developed over the years. Many people nowadays describe me as a butch or rather boyish person and I was recently told that my sexual energy was “masculine”. This has got me to thinking, “what the fuck does that mean?” If that means I’m sexually aggressive and forward, let me esplain: Ever since I first started developing attractions to real people I have ALWAYS had a primary impulse to feel bad about it and assume that they couldn’t be interested. Though this has been changing recently, I take FOREVER to tell people I like that I’m interested in them. And regarding people I hook up with, I feel like I’m never the one making the first move physically. Perhaps people I’ve hooked up with would say differently, but this is how I feel, which is at least indicative of my internalized (homophobic?) shame. This whole revelation was brought on by this one night recently when I was out dancing one night and some person I did not know in the slightest grabbed me, asked me my name, and started dancing and kissing me. I was drunk. And after deciding that this person was exceedingly attractive, I just went along with it.
This makes me wonder: Where do people get that confidence? Cause I don’t have it. Is it bad that I was fine with a hot person (who happens to go by female pronouns) grabbing me? Is it bad that the fact that this person’s appearance as a woman made me completely okay with something I would be FURIOUS about if it was someone who looked like a man? I generally think it is a beautiful thing for a woman to be sexually aggressive.
Questions of rape-y-ness aside, I have other thoughts:
- How did your sexuality develop?
- How did you learn to pursue or be pursued? Was it connected to your gender identity?
- Do you feel that a certain role is expected of you?
- Do you feel shame for being sexually aggressive/being the initiator?
- Does your acceptance of sexual aggression in other people rely on their gender identity?
I’m really quite interested in other people’s experiences of this, I’d like to know your thoughts.
Gender Agenda 
“Is it bad that the fact that this person’s appearance as a woman made me completely okay with something I would be FURIOUS about if it was someone who looked like a man?”
My opinion: NO! fuck. no. You’re allowed to respond however you want to aggressive sexual attention directed at you. The other person is behaving in a way that invites either a slap in the face or an incredibly bizarre, incredibly sexy experience with a fellow freak-a-leak. In the comment section of one post about sexual assault on The Sexist some women (though they were the minority) talked about their experiences with having men grope them and enjoying it.
Buzzkill time: But I also think the girl shouldn’t have grabbed you. Because the consequences for you if she grabbed you and you weren’t into it are greater than the consequences for you if she hadn’t grabbed you when you would’ve been into it.
ok so I reread this and still have zero answers to anything you bring up here. HOWEVER I want to show my general support for your post and I think it’s interestin. ❤
I think I agree with lucie in saying it's cool to react however you want to react but that she also shouldn't have grabbed you, you know?
❤
The cultural narrative accompanying male sexual aggression renders it, IMHO, *substantively* different than when the same behavior is performed by women.
I mean, what are the chances that she’s going to execute a rape? Or follow you home?
I have, no doubt, met women who’s sexual aggression made me *uncomfortable* (usually because it’s reminiscent of male entitlement to women’s bodies/misogyny), but a woman I’ve just met has never made me fear for my own safety.