Posts Tagged ‘relationshipism’

Even Rizzo just wants a steady.

I was shocked to discover two years ago that I see the “perfect me” as someone in a relationship. And I still haven’t figured out how to break free from this expectation. And I think I know why. It seems nearly every classic story, if it has a happy ending, ends with a wedding, a getting-together or something that involves finding your happiness in another person. I despise this notion that everyone has a “better half” or someone to “complete” them. I am a whole human being! There is nothing missing. WHY am I sad when I am by myself? Society has taught me, “hey, you have a great life, you’re a hard worker, you’re a fabulous person but who are you kidding? The only thing that can REALLY make you happy is love.” My brain has been hard-wired by repeated viewings of the Princess Bride, Romeo + Juliet, Moulin Rouge, Juno… even WALL*E that my single self is not good enough. I’ve been told: “Someone else needs to tell me I’m beautiful. Someone else needs to protect me from harm. Someone else needs to pleasure me. Someone else needs to calm me down when I start convulsing with sobs.” This is wrong. I know I can do all these things. And I cannot decide who falls in love with me, but I can learn to love myself. I may find someone who happens to bring me joy, but I can also be happy BY MYSELF.

Is this just a female problem? I think this is a reason that so many female-identified feminists continue to shave their legs, wear tight clothing, and put on makeup. (Note from 2012: this sentence should perish, but I feel the need to keep it for posterity’s sake (= )

I feel as though all my life I’ve put so much pressure on myself in preparation for this mysterious future lover. And it wasn’t simply when I thought I was heterosexual. This is not a giving up your dreams to be a housewife thing. I’ve felt it when I accepted my attraction to the same sex too. It is a desire to be desirable, but to the extent that I deny my own comfort and love of my body. Now that I’ve mostly erased this expectation, I do so much more for myself!

How often during the day do you fix yourself up to appeal to this impending relationship? How often do you compromise your own comfort to make yourself desirable?

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